The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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