I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
