I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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