someone get that fucking seahorse.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
