I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
