I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
