Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
