I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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