What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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