Buhtt sex?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
