Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
