It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
