i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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