I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
