whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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