Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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