He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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