So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
