They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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