we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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