Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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