He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His nipple licking is glorious
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