I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
