That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
