Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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