just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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