Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
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New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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