1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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