fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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