I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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