she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
