What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
