if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
