You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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