Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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