Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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