I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
