absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
