if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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