I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
