Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
