i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
