Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
