oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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