Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
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Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
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It's no shave November. This is our time.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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