I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
