PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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