Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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