I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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