there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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