Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
