i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
