I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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