You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
