there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
