guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
