Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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