think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
