Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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