what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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