it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
