"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
