She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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