Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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