Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
