Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
