we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
